Chasing My Tail

Don't worry!  It's just for dramatic effect.

I felt like I had been slapped in the face when a friend said, "now, if you could just stop worrying."  I had asked her to pray about a situation, and this was not what I had expected to hear.  In my mind the fact that I was asking for prayer meant that I was admitting that I needed God's strength and wisdom, and to me that seemed like stepping away from worry.  I meant to trust; I was asking for help.  With this one little phrase I catapulted into a frenzied worry about being worried.  Could things get any more ironic?  So, what is the difference between being worried about something, and knowing you need help?  Is there a healthy amount of humble concern we should have?  Can we be carefree and still care?

It's not that I'm claiming I don't worry.  I certainly do. I worry about being misunderstood; what people will think of me.  I often anticipate conflict and then agonize about how to handle it.  Sometimes I end up angry over imaginary conversations in my head.  That's not good fruit.  I worry over others mistaking my motives which causes me to question myself. I wonder, when I share positive experiences, whether friends will think I am bragging, and then I have to ask myself if indeed I am.  If I share my struggles will I sound like a complainer, or will someone else be encouraged to know that they are not the only one with those issues?   For the most part this is out of my control.  All I can do is walk in the Spirit and act and speak as I am led in accordance with God's word.  I have to surrender my desire for everyone to like me or agree with me, and respond with love, patience and kindness when they don't. 

You are reading the ramblings of a confused child, but a child who desires to do the will of her Lord.  I fight a battle "to put off [my] old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of [my] mind; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."  (Ephesians 4:22-24)  It's a battle I am going to have to keep fighting, but I can trust that "He who began a good work in [me] will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippian1:6)  Trust and worry just don't mix.  I am going to have to learn to fight my battle bravely without anxiety, and yet retain concern and compassion for others.  I must focus more on others and less on self.  Finally this contemplation has come to the point.  I've got to let go of me.  I have to care about others for their sake alone.  In the here and now I may indeed face all of the things I've fretted over, but in eternity they won't matter.  Actually, there will be rewards for them. (Matthew 5:11-12)  Just stay focused on Jesus, and do what He would do.  He would use His gifts to bless others, and He was often misunderstood.  Why should I expect to be universally accepted and loved when He was rejected?  (John 15:18-20)

I asked my friend to pray for me because I knew God would answer.  The idea was to pray instead of worrying, and trust in God rather than in my ability or lack there of.  I never thought that one simple prayer request would launch me into this type of self analysis, but why shouldn't it?  I am an over analytical type of person; one who would worry about being worried in fact.  I am sure my friend never meant to initiate this type of reflection either, she was just trying to tell me to relax a little.  I guess I could start the whole cycle over again at this point, but I am just going to embrace the personality God gave me, and use it for good wherever He leads me.  

Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.