Have you ever felt like everyone else gets the best of your family: your spouse, your kids, your parents, and you just get whatever is left over? Do you ever feel like there just isn't much left over? I have to think that everyone must feel that way sometimes. We pour ourselves into our work, our ministry, our hobbies, and by the time we get around to being with our families we are exhausted. We just want to rest, watch TV, veg out with a video game, or whatever low energy solitary activity we enjoy. Have you ever come home and tried to have a conversation with someone who is only half listening? Have you ever been that person who keeps on reading while you attempt to make sense of what someone is telling you. I am here to tell you that I am guilty of this, and so is everyone around me.
What has happened to us? Have we become so overwhelmed and overstimulated by society that we shut out the people who truly care about us. Are we showing love when we half ignore the people in our homes. One person is ready to have a conversation, the other can't look away from the computer. The first person gives up and goes to find something quiet to do by their self, meanwhile the previously occupied person seeks them out to try to talk about what has been on their mind. No one is listening to anyone else, at least they aren't REALLY listening. We are letting our relationships slip away one TV show, one computer game, one nap at a time.
I recently read an account of a man whose elderly mother moved into an apartment adjoining his house so that he and his family could help her with the things she needed assistance with. He began to notice that she was usually watching TV when he came to say hello, but that as soon as he walked in she would turn the television off. He began to think about this and realized that it was something she had always done. She was showing her love for him by turning off the distractions and focusing fully on him during the time that he was there.
I believe part of our problem is that we take each other for granted. We live in the same house, we share the same food, we sit in the same living room, and we think that there will always be time later. The clock, however, keeps ticking away and we just continue on in our patterns of self absorbed distractions. How many of us are lonely? How many of us are becoming resentful? How many of us are waiting for the people around them to engage? I want to suggest that the only way to break the cycle is to commit to changing our own habits. We cannot expect others to do for us what we are not willing to do for them. I can put down my game of Scrabble and look my husband in the eye when he speaks to me, my automated opponent won't even notice. I can push myself away from the desk and face my children when they ask me a question. I can ask someone to go for a walk with me instead of laying down and taking a nap. Maybe when they see how good it feels to have someone give them the time of day, they will want to do the same for others.
If you've been feeling like you are being ignored, don't let discouragement and frustration get the best of you. Be proactive. Set an example worth following. Make the changes that only you can make, and be amazed with what other changes follow. Let's put our families back together, and let's start by being there for each other not only as a physical presence in the room, but with our minds and spirits and all that we are. No more ho hum family bonds. It's time to make this real!
