The Rear View Mirror

The other day I was driving along the country road that takes me over the mountain toward town.  As I was passing the boarding stable on the right and approaching the farm on the left, I realized that my mirrors weren't set right.  I began to adjust them and was having a difficult time of it.  As I continued along I began to consider what a blessing it was that I hadn't run off the road or crashed into something.  My attention was focused so much behind me that I really wasn't watching where I was going.  It was by the grace of God that I was still on the road and hadn't hurt anyone.  I began to think about how life is like driving a car, and it's best to keep our attention focused on where we are going with only occasional glances at where we have been. 

It can be all to easy for that scene in the rear view mirror to distract us as we navigate this life.  Sometimes it's regret that takes our eyes off the road in front of us.  We get so caught up in the "should of, could of, would of," which we can't change, that we miss the now we could be excelling in.  Guilt over choices made in the past can plague us in the present if we allow it to.  There is no reason to dwell in the past; we must live in the present and look to the future with hope.  An occasional glance in the rear view mirror can remind us to make better choices now, but we don't have to continually beat ourselves up over them.  1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."  If God sent His perfect Son to die in our place so that our sins could be forgiven (John 3:16), then who are we to hold a grudge against ourselves.  Paul says in Philippians 3:13-14 "...But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

Another thing that can trip us up is camping out on fond memories and becoming discontent with our current situation.  This can harm relationships.  We can become so preoccupied with how things were that we find ourselves frustrated during a rocky spell, and rather than working our way through to the smoother road ahead, we get stuck.  Unfortunately many people abandon the relationship when, if they would just buckle their seat belt and endure the bumps, they would find what they're looking for a few miles down the road.  Sometimes you even have to get out and push, but it's worth the effort to keep moving forward.  I realize that this isn't always the case, and would not encourage a person to continue suffering actual abuse, but often the things that tear people apart are not so one sided.  It's ok to remember "the good old days,"  but not at the expense of the better days ahead.  Colossians 3:12-17 gives us some equipment and procedures to help us on our way.

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.  Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

When we keep our eyes on what is behind us instead of looking out ahead, we run the risk of getting off course and having a wreck.  There is one place it's always wise to fix our gaze.  Hebrews 12:2 speaks of "looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God."   Whether the road is clear ahead or there are obstacles to overcome, whether the past is filled with mountain tops or deep dark tunnels,  there is only One who can take us into eternity filled will life abundant and free.  Let's keep our eyes on Jesus, and if you have never looked to Him, why not start today?

Special note:  Sometimes we need to reconcile things in our past, but it can be dangerous to try and do that alone.  If there are things you just can't leave behind you, please seek counseling.  I recommend finding a Christian counselor who will be straight with you about what God says in His word. 

Peacock Feather Folly

Junior high and high school are no doubt a difficult time of life.  There, I've done it.  I've stated the obvious.  If you're reading this, you probably know it all too well, either because you've been there, or because that is where you're camped out now.  It's unavoidable to be sure.  For some it's junior high that's really tough.  That's where I was probably, from my own point of view, the most awkward and out of place.  The merger of several small elementary schools threw me for a loop, and when I found my old friends blending in with the new faces it was hard.  I was shy  in my own way, so making new friends wasn't always easy for me.  By the time high school came around this wasn't so much of an issue.  I had some close friends and that was enough to help me interact with the rest of the world.  Unfortunately not all of those interactions were positive, but that's life right?  I wish I could say so, but the ones that haunt me were all my fault and I could have prevented them.

It started in English Class when I was in ninth grade.  The teacher was a strict, no nonsense lady that we had all been warned about. She was to be feared, but for me not disliked. I respected her.  I believe the topic was mythology, though I can't remember what the peacock feather had to do with it.  There was a new girl in class that year, and she spoke up to share information about a peacock feather she had at home.  I had this girl labeled as the teacher's pet wanna be, who would kiss up at every opportunity.  I didn't know her, but for some reason I decided I didn't like her.  I can't remember if I was following a trend or trying to set one, but I started making fun of her.  I taunted and teased.  Whether it was deliberately open, or more concealed just between my friends and I, is lost to my memory.  I just know that I nicknamed her Jenny Peacock Feather Woman, and I was mean.

I am certainly not telling you this to brag, though at the time I am sure I thought I was quite smart and very high above this new student.  I never did get to know her because I was too stuck up.  This may be shocking to some of you, and my hope is that you will see my folly and act better.  I am ashamed, and it's not just because the nickname was so stupid, I think I did that on purpose because it made me laugh, it's because I was a child of God acting so contrary to the kindness of my Savior.  I should have been the nicest person in that class.  I should have been the one reaching out trying to be her friend, but I was being a brat.  I had an attitude of scorn toward this person.  I think the students who didn't even believe in God were more compassionate than me, a sinner saved by grace.

So, why am I mentioning this almost 25 years later?  I want to encourage teens to be kind to their peers.  It might be a challenge now, but don't live with the regret I have.  God has forgiven me, so it's not a burden of guilt so much as the sadness of knowing that I could have made a positive difference, but I made a negative impact.  Being kind and compassionate is worth the effort, and even worth the ridicule you may receive from others.  I was being a bully, and I am sorry. I wish I could tell her that now, but since I am not likely to have that opportunity, I will try to influence others to behave better.  I would also like to apologize to anyone else reading this who witnessed my cruel behavior or was ever the object of it.  I see my own kids struggle because they are treated this way, even sometimes by people they consider friends, and I fluctuate between feeling brokenhearted and infuriated,  but who am I to judge since I have acted the same way.

I also want to speak to the person who is being looked down on, teased or tormented.  In God's eyes you're a diamond.  He loves you no matter what people say.  He loves you so much that He sent His Son to die for you so that your sin could be forgiven.  Maybe it's easier to see the sin of the people who are hurting you, but the truth is we all sin.  (Romans 3:23)  In fact sometimes we turn around and hurt someone else by treating them the same way we have been treated.  We all need a Savior, and Jesus is so full of love and compassion that He died even for the mocker, the thief and the murderer.  Romans 5:8 says, "but God demonstrates His own love for us in this:  while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."  Jesus died for us the way we were when we mocked and made fun of Him, and didn't believe in Him.  Let's try to treat others the way we have been treated by Jesus:  with love, compassion and kindness. 

If you are just realizing that you need the Savior, just call out to Him, He'll be there with arms open wide.  Don't keep it to yourself either.  Be sure to tell someone who can help you get off to a good start in your new life as a Christian. "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed on His name, He gave the right to become children of God."  (John 1:12)

I wish that I had been more kind and compassionate when I was in school.  Somehow looking back it just seems like that would have made a lot more sense.  I can't change what is past, and don't want to spend too much time looking in the rear view mirror.  The future is bright ahead.  God has been working in my life in amazing ways since that time.  I have four kids, and my prayer is that they would be close to the Lord and live better that I ever did.  I don't mean that I want them to have all the things that I never had in the material sense, but rather that I want them to live victoriously in the spiritual sense.  I am on a journey, and I'm a stranger in a foreign land.  I was born here, but I have become a citizen of heaven, and the farther along I get in my journey home, the more apparent it is that I am an alien here.  I hope that I would not make the same mistake today that I made back then. 

Crossroads

The other day I admitted to myself and some friends that I am indeed at a crossroads.  We all have these places in our life where we have to make a choice as to which direction we are going to go.  My current crossroads may seem rather insignificant, but it has inspired reflection.  My choices are as follows:  buy bigger clothing or slim down.  I suppose I could try to maintain this ground where I am standing, but why would I?  I am wasting time searching for something to wear that doesn't have to stretch too far to cover me.  I'll put on an article, look in the mirror and realize that it doesn't even look appropriate.  Taking off ten pounds would be more than adequate to reinstate the usefulness of many old favorites, while buying some roomier options would also work.  

It was interesting how the comments and advice varied when I shared this dilemma  with a few close friends.  One of the guys said, "just buy new clothes."  I missed the rest of his remarks; the transaction took place during a time of many distractions.  I had been explaining that the weather wasn't fully to blame for my less than punctual arrival at our Sunday morning worship team rehearsal, and everyone was bustling around getting ready to practice.  Later at lunch I told a few more friends about the brief dialog, and one of the ladies encouraged me to make the conscious decision to take off the weight before it was necessary to buy a larger size.  My dear husband, Eric, had yet another suggestion.  He said I should take off the weight, and buy some new clothing when I've accomplished my goal and my current wardrobe is loose. I think I will take his advice.

Eric recently navigated a major intersection occupationally.  For 17 years he had worked at the same company.  There had certainly been plenty of ups and downs along the way.  One of the most uncertain times was early on when we were expecting our second child.  A major wave of layoffs was expected as we were nearing the end of the pregnancy, and we waited anxiously knowing that the loss of his job would mean no more heath coverage for the hospital bills.  Another very difficult time was when he began working on a project that required travel.  I was left at home with our four children, ages eight to two, and completely opposed to his being away.  My nervous condition was only worsened by "surprise trips" that seemed to be completely unannounced, and the fact that the travel exceeded the maximum we had been promised.  I had no problem fitting into my clothing that year since I barely ate while I fretted.   It took a couple of years, and the frequency of the trips declining, before I adjusted to it at all.  We look back now and almost laugh, because those trips were actually so short in duration compared to more recent ones, and he was home on weekends.

A little over a year ago things started to get rough again.  Layoff were more frequent, and the atmosphere was tense. We were looking ahead to our oldest son graduating in 2015 with two siblings close on his heels, and found a generous employee tuition discount quite appealing.  At the beginning of 2013 Eric updated his resume, sent it to Penn State University, and applied to a few openings, then we waited.  He had a couple of interviews, and then we waited some more.  I was told there was only one trip scheduled that year, and after nine years, Eric was finally going to try to take me to be with him for part of the time.  As I flew to Denver to join him there, I sensed that this trip was for closure.  It was about that same time, over the summer, that one of Eric's friends started coaxing him to pursue a specific Penn State job more actively, but Eric was cautious.  It may seem like an obvious choice given the circumstances, but we couldn't help but wonder if the grass only looked greener over there, and whether he was jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire.

Sometimes when we come to a crossroad our view is limited in every direction.  Here we perceived only that there may be a dead end ahead with his current position, and the road would not be pleasant. As we looked toward our other option we saw that we would have to tighten our belts and budget more carefully, but that there was a high probability of less stress and fewer mandatory travel dates.  Having Eric miss important family milestones, like our daughter's 13th birthday, as well as concerts and sporting events including every track meet one year, was not what we wanted for our family, so by the time November drew to a close he had accepted an offer. We are still adjusting to a new schedule, a tighter budget, different health care benefits, and a change in business approach, but we are on our way down this new road.

Not every crossroad is on a major highway like Eric's job, some are more like country roads and farm lanes like my wardrobe dilemma.  In every life, though, there is one intersection that stands above them all; it's at the corner of everlasting life and eternal death.  Each member of our family has individually chosen eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 6:23)  We know our destination, and our objective is to bring honor and glory to our Lord and King every step along the way. (Romans 12:1-2) We stumble, but still we try.  Nothing can keep us from continuing on this road. (Romans 8:38-39)  Our arrival is sure.  (John 10:28)  If you haven't trusted in Jesus to save you from the punishment for your sin, then you're on the road that leads to death.  He went down that road so you wouldn't have to.  Won't you call on him and be saved?  Romans 10:13 "For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."

I'd be happy to talk with you about making this choice.  Whether you have questions, or you just want to tell someone that you believe, please drop me a line.  jmhuyett@verizon net

My Good

Today I was thinking about the song "Your Love Never Fails" and reflecting on the way the bridge affects me.  The words are, "You make all things work together for my good."  I assume that this is adapted from Romans 8:28 which says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV Bible)  The reason this sends up a yellow flag for me is that the verse doesn't say that He works all things together for the good of everyone.  A yellow flag of course means, "proceed with caution."  There may be danger ahead.  Whenever I experience a warning like this related to scripture I take it seriously. 

I ask the question, "why is the writer of the song stating the thought in this manner?  Is this Biblical?"  The answer, I conclude, is that for the writer the statement is probably absolutely true.  There are conditions in the verse.  God makes everything work together for certain people, and it states two criteria:  A love for God and a calling that is according to His purpose.   When Anthony Skinner and Chris McClarney were writing this song they probably looked at those two conditions and claimed this as a promise, because, they know in their hearts that they fit the profile.  They can say, "You make all things work together for my good," with confidence.  

The next question is, "do I fit this criteria?"  Praise the Lord the answer is, "absolutely!"  There was a time when I was not so sure.  I knew I had accepted what Christ had done to save me from my sin, but how much did I really love Him.  I know that I have not yet the capacity to love Him  thoroughly and unselfishly as he loves me, but I know that I love him.  He has shown me that I do.  He has brought me to a place of understanding that to live is Christ and to die is gain, as Paul says in Philippians 1:21, though I don't envy Paul his trials.  He has made it clear to me that I have been called according to His purpose and possess the Holy Spirit by demonstrating his power in my life and using me to do things I am not naturally equipped for.  Thankfully I can sing with confidence, "You make all things work together for my good," because I know that ultimately His good is my good: not my temporary physical, mental or material good, but my eternal good.

I would be surprised if there were not a few people reading this who lack the confidence to really be able to claim this as a promise to them.  If you are not sure you really love God and have been called according to His purpose, please talk to someone who does and ask questions of your own, or pick up a Bible and start reading in the New Testament.  You may certainly get in touch with me (jmhuyett@verizon.net) and I will help you become acquainted with Him.  I will not pretend to even come close to understanding Him completely, for He is so vast, but through His word He has revealed enough of Himself, bringing me this far, and as I often remind myself, "...I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you  will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."  Philippians 1:6 (ESV)  

Have you authorized the work to begin?  God does not bully his way into your heart with His bulldozer and construction crew.  You must invite Him to come in, trusting that the sacrifice of His Son has cleared you from all the charges in your "sin account."  When you say, "Yes, Lord," he will begin a NEW work in you (2 Corinthians 5:17), and He will work all thing together for your eternal good." 

"Yet to all who received His, to those who believed on His name, He gave the right to become children of God."  John 1:12 (NIV)

Don't Fall

Where do you think the phrase falling in love came from?  Maybe it comes from the supposition that it's something uncontrolled; something that happens spontaneously.  People fall in love, and when they get tired of being there they fall back out.  It's a crazy way to live, and rather hard on the heart I would say.  I think part of the problem is that so many people define love as a feeling or an emotion.  Ah, yes, there are definitely feelings and emotions that come with love, but have you ever thought about the actions that take you there?  You can't fall from a stationary position.  You have to be moving to even fall out of bed.  To take a serious spill you would probably be walking briskly or even running, or perhaps wandering near a hazard.  To fall "in love" you must be near a person, spending time with them, or receiving some kind of attention.  

Why would anyone want to fall into love?  You're walking along and you stumble, then down you go.  I think it would make much more sense to climb into love and then soar there.  Love is really something that you do, and positive feelings and emotions flow from those actions.  It's a choice that you make every day.  Giving, helping, and encouraging are all ways that people love.  Too often in the beginning of a relationship two people will try so hard to please each other, then after a while they get lazy and think they've fallen out of love, when really they just need to start pouring their energy into that relationship again. 

We need to realize that love is something we give more than something we feel.  We are actually capable of giving love to people we don't even know, have never seen, or, more amazingly, people we don't even like.  You don't have to have warm feelings of affection for someone in order to love them.  What you do need is a desire for their good, and actions that follow that desire.  It begins there, and from that point feelings and affections can change.  

How many marriages could be saved if one of the two people would just start showing love to their spouse even if they don't feel like it.  Soon their spouse would begin to feel loved and would naturally reciprocate the loving actions.  It's much like when two people first meet.  One person usually notices the other first and acts in a positive way that attracts the other person.  I heard a story told of a woman who felt so hurt by her husband that she went to a counselor and told him that she wanted to divorce her husband, hurting him as much as possible in the process.  The wise counselor advised her that to succeed at this she should go home and for several weeks treat him like she was completely and totally in love with him.  When she had him convinced of her affections, that is when she should serve him the papers.  She agreed that this was a good plan, and after several weeks the counselor asked her if she was ready to ask for a divorce.  The woman was horrified.  "Why would I divorce him now," she asked, "I am more in love with him than I have ever been."  Her actions led to affection, and her marriage was saved.  

So love is really something we can climb into intentionally.  If we fall into it, it's probably because we are being careless.  It's especially important for husbands and wives to safeguard their affections from straying, and falling where they don't belong.  Being proactive and showing love to your spouse will keep you emotionally connected to the person you promised your life to, and keep you from falling where you shouldn't even be walking.  

It concerns me to see people flitting in and out of "relationships" every other day.  Everyone needs love, and friendship is love.  Being willing to sacrifice for someone, and to work for their good; that's love.  You don't have to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to give and receive love; surround yourself with true friends.  Practice the art of loving people unconditionally with your acts of kindness without entangling yourself in short term relationships.  Love your mom.  Love your dad.  Love your brothers and sisters and friends.  Someday you will climb to a place where you will be ready to make a commitment to a relationship that will last.  Don't let your heart keep tumbling in and out of love until it is so bruised and calloused it can't discern what a healthy relationship is.  Have patience. 

Let me also be clear, if you still have this choice to make, that saving sex for marriage will be the greatest gift you can give your spouse and yourself.  Knowing that you have waited for each other and have never been with anyone else will be a treasure.  You will have a bond that is stronger because of that one thing you have only shared with each other.  Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8 talk about how two people become one, and in Mark, Jesus says, "What God has joined together, let no one separate."  You don't even have to believe in the Bible or God for this law of nature, as He created it, to affect you, but you do have to believe to be saved.  If you have already made a mistake (or many mistakes) in this area there is still hope.  Jesus wants to make you new.  He died to take the punishment for your sin.  I'm not saying that there won't be consequence to deal with, but if you turn to Jesus He will forgive your sin and begin the process of healing your broken heart. 

Love has wings, which are acts of kindness, and they need to be used to lift you upward.  Once you've climbed high on the currents of giving love, you may be tempted to glide on the emotions for a while, but beware, there is always more work ahead.  The feelings of excitement are great, but eventually the currents wane and the decent begins.  If you don't exercise your wings, you'll find yourself back down on the ground.  So, enjoy the journey and don't give up.  Sometimes it will come naturally, but often you'll have to work hard.  No relationship will ever last without putting forth the effort to keep it fresh and new.  Don't think that the grass would be greener somewhere else.  I've heard it said that if the grass is greener in your neighbor's yard, then you had better water your own. 

How do you water, tend and nourish your relationships?  A good place to start is by knowing what the needed nutrients are.   1 Corinthians 13 lists these essentials:  "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends."

Let's all take the time and put forth the energy to climb into love and make sure we never fall out.