Don't Fall

Where do you think the phrase falling in love came from?  Maybe it comes from the supposition that it's something uncontrolled; something that happens spontaneously.  People fall in love, and when they get tired of being there they fall back out.  It's a crazy way to live, and rather hard on the heart I would say.  I think part of the problem is that so many people define love as a feeling or an emotion.  Ah, yes, there are definitely feelings and emotions that come with love, but have you ever thought about the actions that take you there?  You can't fall from a stationary position.  You have to be moving to even fall out of bed.  To take a serious spill you would probably be walking briskly or even running, or perhaps wandering near a hazard.  To fall "in love" you must be near a person, spending time with them, or receiving some kind of attention.  

Why would anyone want to fall into love?  You're walking along and you stumble, then down you go.  I think it would make much more sense to climb into love and then soar there.  Love is really something that you do, and positive feelings and emotions flow from those actions.  It's a choice that you make every day.  Giving, helping, and encouraging are all ways that people love.  Too often in the beginning of a relationship two people will try so hard to please each other, then after a while they get lazy and think they've fallen out of love, when really they just need to start pouring their energy into that relationship again. 

We need to realize that love is something we give more than something we feel.  We are actually capable of giving love to people we don't even know, have never seen, or, more amazingly, people we don't even like.  You don't have to have warm feelings of affection for someone in order to love them.  What you do need is a desire for their good, and actions that follow that desire.  It begins there, and from that point feelings and affections can change.  

How many marriages could be saved if one of the two people would just start showing love to their spouse even if they don't feel like it.  Soon their spouse would begin to feel loved and would naturally reciprocate the loving actions.  It's much like when two people first meet.  One person usually notices the other first and acts in a positive way that attracts the other person.  I heard a story told of a woman who felt so hurt by her husband that she went to a counselor and told him that she wanted to divorce her husband, hurting him as much as possible in the process.  The wise counselor advised her that to succeed at this she should go home and for several weeks treat him like she was completely and totally in love with him.  When she had him convinced of her affections, that is when she should serve him the papers.  She agreed that this was a good plan, and after several weeks the counselor asked her if she was ready to ask for a divorce.  The woman was horrified.  "Why would I divorce him now," she asked, "I am more in love with him than I have ever been."  Her actions led to affection, and her marriage was saved.  

So love is really something we can climb into intentionally.  If we fall into it, it's probably because we are being careless.  It's especially important for husbands and wives to safeguard their affections from straying, and falling where they don't belong.  Being proactive and showing love to your spouse will keep you emotionally connected to the person you promised your life to, and keep you from falling where you shouldn't even be walking.  

It concerns me to see people flitting in and out of "relationships" every other day.  Everyone needs love, and friendship is love.  Being willing to sacrifice for someone, and to work for their good; that's love.  You don't have to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend to give and receive love; surround yourself with true friends.  Practice the art of loving people unconditionally with your acts of kindness without entangling yourself in short term relationships.  Love your mom.  Love your dad.  Love your brothers and sisters and friends.  Someday you will climb to a place where you will be ready to make a commitment to a relationship that will last.  Don't let your heart keep tumbling in and out of love until it is so bruised and calloused it can't discern what a healthy relationship is.  Have patience. 

Let me also be clear, if you still have this choice to make, that saving sex for marriage will be the greatest gift you can give your spouse and yourself.  Knowing that you have waited for each other and have never been with anyone else will be a treasure.  You will have a bond that is stronger because of that one thing you have only shared with each other.  Genesis 2:24 and Mark 10:8 talk about how two people become one, and in Mark, Jesus says, "What God has joined together, let no one separate."  You don't even have to believe in the Bible or God for this law of nature, as He created it, to affect you, but you do have to believe to be saved.  If you have already made a mistake (or many mistakes) in this area there is still hope.  Jesus wants to make you new.  He died to take the punishment for your sin.  I'm not saying that there won't be consequence to deal with, but if you turn to Jesus He will forgive your sin and begin the process of healing your broken heart. 

Love has wings, which are acts of kindness, and they need to be used to lift you upward.  Once you've climbed high on the currents of giving love, you may be tempted to glide on the emotions for a while, but beware, there is always more work ahead.  The feelings of excitement are great, but eventually the currents wane and the decent begins.  If you don't exercise your wings, you'll find yourself back down on the ground.  So, enjoy the journey and don't give up.  Sometimes it will come naturally, but often you'll have to work hard.  No relationship will ever last without putting forth the effort to keep it fresh and new.  Don't think that the grass would be greener somewhere else.  I've heard it said that if the grass is greener in your neighbor's yard, then you had better water your own. 

How do you water, tend and nourish your relationships?  A good place to start is by knowing what the needed nutrients are.   1 Corinthians 13 lists these essentials:  "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends."

Let's all take the time and put forth the energy to climb into love and make sure we never fall out.