It was a Wednesday morning when I felt the sore throat coming on; by Thursday night my right ear was so congested I couldn't hear properly. Saturday it started to hurt and I tried to get in to see the doctor on call, but that didn't work out. Monday I went to the doctor concerned about my hearing. By this time I had lost my voice and was communicating in squeaks. I was hoping and praying that my voice and hearing would be back by Saturday because I was scheduled to be on the worship team at church. I always look forward to participating in Saturday's practice with the band and Sunday's worship service, so I dreaded having to call and say I was sick. An ear infection, at least, would have been easy to treat with antibiotics, but alas, the doctor concluded that was not my condition. I was told to take decongestants and was given a prescription for an antibiotic to take if things got worse.
Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that the ear got worse, but by Wednesday I was getting desperate and started the antibiotic. All that pressure in my ear combined with the hearing difficulties and my expectations for the weekend was driving me crazy. To my dismay the antibiotic was ineffective, and Saturday morning my ear was still blocked with congestion. The blessing in all of this was that my voice had returned, unfortunately I was still so worried about my ear that I forgot just how grateful I should have been. I went to practice having decided to give it my best try. Practice went alright. I was uncomfortable and insecure, but by the end of practice the team didn't seem to think the ear would be a problem. They said they would pray for me and one friend even said not to be surprised when I woke up in the morning without the congestion. I had high hopes, and I prayed, but I lacked the necessary faith. Oh, I believed that God could heal my ear on the spot, but I doubted that it was His will to do so. I believe that God is benevolent, and works all things together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28), but maybe healing my ear prematurely wasn't what He had in mind for me.
I woke up at 6:30 Sunday morning so I would have plenty of time to get ready and be at church by 8:00. My ear was still blocked. I thought maybe it would clear up in the shower. I thought maybe the trip over the mountain would force it open. I thought maybe God would wait until the last minute to open it so that it would be unmistakable that it was opened by Him in answer to prayer. By this time I had at least realized that I had not given him the glory he deserved for the return of my voice. I asked for forgiveness for whining and complaining about my ear when I should have been giving thanks for my voice. I asked for an opportunity to share this insight with the team. The opportunity was presented that morning and I was thankful for it. My ear remained blocked throughout practice and the service, but I was able to sing God's praise despite the obstacle, and for that I was truly grateful.
Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that the ear got worse, but by Wednesday I was getting desperate and started the antibiotic. All that pressure in my ear combined with the hearing difficulties and my expectations for the weekend was driving me crazy. To my dismay the antibiotic was ineffective, and Saturday morning my ear was still blocked with congestion. The blessing in all of this was that my voice had returned, unfortunately I was still so worried about my ear that I forgot just how grateful I should have been. I went to practice having decided to give it my best try. Practice went alright. I was uncomfortable and insecure, but by the end of practice the team didn't seem to think the ear would be a problem. They said they would pray for me and one friend even said not to be surprised when I woke up in the morning without the congestion. I had high hopes, and I prayed, but I lacked the necessary faith. Oh, I believed that God could heal my ear on the spot, but I doubted that it was His will to do so. I believe that God is benevolent, and works all things together for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28), but maybe healing my ear prematurely wasn't what He had in mind for me.
I woke up at 6:30 Sunday morning so I would have plenty of time to get ready and be at church by 8:00. My ear was still blocked. I thought maybe it would clear up in the shower. I thought maybe the trip over the mountain would force it open. I thought maybe God would wait until the last minute to open it so that it would be unmistakable that it was opened by Him in answer to prayer. By this time I had at least realized that I had not given him the glory he deserved for the return of my voice. I asked for forgiveness for whining and complaining about my ear when I should have been giving thanks for my voice. I asked for an opportunity to share this insight with the team. The opportunity was presented that morning and I was thankful for it. My ear remained blocked throughout practice and the service, but I was able to sing God's praise despite the obstacle, and for that I was truly grateful.
I realized later that day that God had answered my prayer. My real desire was to be able to sing. He gave me my voice back, but allowed the complication with my ear to remain. He caused me to succeed despite the difficulty. God always answers prayer. He doesn't always answer the way we think we want Him to, but he answers. I'm glad that in His sovereignty He gives me what I need instead of what I think I want. I would be in trouble over some of the things that I ask for if God always said yes. I can't see what the outcome of my requests would be, but He can. The apostle Paul prayed three times for a "thorn in his flesh" to be removed. I don't know what his affliction was, but I know what God's response was: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
To be honest, I do not particularly enjoy hardship, in fact I usually protest with all my might. Paul learned to say, "Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (*verses 9-10). I thank God for allowing me to be used for His purpose despite all of my weaknesses and shortcomings. I may not very easily see my flaws as a blessing, but they have a purpose. Paul knew why his thorn was there: "To keep [him] from becoming conceited" (*verse 7)
Thank You Lord for keeping things in perspective for me. It's all about you, and I feel privileged that you would work in and through me. Thank you for making me your child. Thank you for allowing me to minister to others through Bible teaching, music, and sharing personal experiences. I pray that you would cause your family to grow through these ministries. In Jesus precious name, amen.
My dear friends, if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please ask me or someone else who knows Him to introduce you. He is waiting for you to invite Him into your life.
Thank You Lord for keeping things in perspective for me. It's all about you, and I feel privileged that you would work in and through me. Thank you for making me your child. Thank you for allowing me to minister to others through Bible teaching, music, and sharing personal experiences. I pray that you would cause your family to grow through these ministries. In Jesus precious name, amen.
My dear friends, if you do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, please ask me or someone else who knows Him to introduce you. He is waiting for you to invite Him into your life.
* 2 Corinthians 12
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