True Story

"Is there anything in  your purse you are going to need?"  What an eye opening question.  I would not be needing it or anything in it, nor would I be permitted to have it for the next week.  It has a strap after all.  The next thing to go would be my shoelaces.  I was surrendering my freedom for an undermined period of time to be spent in a confined facility for psychiatric patients.  Was this a nightmare?  It may have seemed like one, but for the time being it was a reality that I was living one day at a time.  Why was I there?  My Psychiatrist recommended it.  I had be thinking of self harm, and my medication needed to be straightened out.  With my previous anti depressant exacerbating my condition, a controlled and monitored environment seemed the best situation for the introduction of the next option.  

The timing was quite inconvenient as I would be missing my kids getting all dressed up for prom.  Chalk it up to one more special day I have missed.  Thankfully I have pictures to look at.  It was Heather's first prom and Austin's last.  In the pictures Heather is beautiful;  Austin and Karissa are the most handsome, charming couple.  During my confinement I also missed two concerts.  Austin even accompanied the choir on piano for one of the songs.  I had no idea that was going to be the case.  He is a self taught pianist, and I was unaware he would have that opportunity. From what I was told the Middle School song that featured the male voices was basically a solo for Darren as well.  Another moment I will never get back.  

Despite what I was missing on the outside, there was a measure of comfort in being hospitalized.  I was not alone.  The people there were all struggling like I was.  Everyone's story was different, but everyone had the common thread of emotional pain.  I managed to stay engaged in activities during much of my stay instead of wallowing in my own problems.  My one roommate had similarities to me that made us able to relate to each other and open up about our pasts in a way that would not have happened with someone who did not share circumstances so much alike.  

While I was there another patient was missing her Senior Prom.  A girl who had experienced that same situation one year previous suggested to staff that we throw her one in our ward.  The staff agreed and we had a little excitement to get us through, focusing on someone else's trouble instead of our own.  Decorations were made and assembled, and the girl's mother even brought her gown.  In the end it did not work out so well.  The decorations went up, but the young girl was shy and anxious.  She barely made it down to the group room to see what had been done because another patient that had just come in was angry with staff and made a major commotion.  She finally came down in here street clothes, and I think that in itself was terribly uncomfortable for her.  The experience did, however,  show us what we could accomplish together.  

The staff for the most part were so busy taking care of formalities that they had little time to support our emotional needs.  Some of the therapy sessions that were scheduled never even happened.  There were a couple of staff people who were more engaged than others and would make use of what little time presented itself.  They weren't just doing a job.  Those few people had a heart for helping the hurting.  I am thankful for their example.  For the most part the most therapeutic aspect of the mental health hospital that I was in happened when the patients talked to and helped each other.  

All in all my stay in psychiatric care was a learning experience.  I learned that I need to stay connected to people, particularly people who share common mental health concerns.  I learned that it is good to find a creative outlet for my emotions.  I had already discovered this point at home when I would play my guitar and sing, but it was reinforced through the art therapy classes there.  I wasn't great at expressing the particular aspects of mental health that the teacher was asking for, but I found that by doing a creative project my focus was improved.  I would then try to find a way to tie my project to the theme for the day.  I was also reminded that exercise and fresh air are therapeutic.  My concern now is finding motivation to get myself up and involved in these activities that help with healing and staying positive.  Staying positive is the key after all.