Casting Off the Weight

The last several weeks have been difficult for me.  I've been weighed down.  I went for a run today, and as I finished up and began walking to cool down I was praying.  I was thinking about a dream, actually more of a nightmare, I had last night, and I started to see that my issues were deeper than they seemed.  I have been struggling with jealousy (this is difficult to admit), and I've been feeling cast aside and undervalued.  I feel bad for having these feelings, but they have some tough roots.  I know it's wrong to feel this way (*Philippians 2:3-4), but I can't seem to make it stop.  I've begged God to take these feelings away, but I seem to keep coming back to the same place.  

As I approached the house I began to beg God to speak to me.  I told Him that I want to hear His voice.  I don't want to hear my own voice, or any of the other voices in my head anymore, I just want to hear Him and know that it is His voice.  As I thought about the dream I realized that fear and anxiety are buried beneath my feelings of jealousy.  I began to ask God what to do with them.  Part way up the stairs to my room I lost my balance.  I would have landed on my back, but my hand went out against the sliding glass door and I didn't go down at all.  What would have resulted in serious injury only made me realize that God didn't mean for me to fall.  I asked again what to do with my fear and insecurity and the answer came.  I didn't hear an audible voice, but the answer came in the form of scripture that was hidden in my heart.  The verse that surfaced was 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  All this time I had been begging Him to take it, but I had to make the effort to cast it.
  

I had an idea that wasn't my own.  It was an object lesson.  It was part of the answer I had asked for.  I was going to literally go throw away the things that were dragging me down.  I went in search of some stones that I had collected.  These would be smooth to write on, and good for casting.  The stones were very much like the burdens on my heart:  I had picked them up somewhere along the way, and I was saving them as a souvenir, but I did not even have a definite recollection of where they had come from.  They were just taking up space in my drawer, helping to weigh it down.  They had no useful purpose.  I picked out stones for fear, insecurity and anxiety, but as I went to get my Sharpie I realized I needed to go back and get pride, because it needed to leave with the rest.  I took the stones out back in the yard where the stream flows out of the woods, and as I cast each stone away I prayed.  The first prayer went something like this, "Dear Lord, this stone represents my fear.  I am casting it on you, and I ask that you will never let me take it back."  I threw the stone as far as I could, in my weakness, up into the woods where the water flows down, and then did the same with each of the rest. 

I'm on a journey, and I can't afford to go back for those stones.  I know I will be tempted.  I already have been in fact, but when I feel the pity party coming on I will have the mental image of those four stones.  I can remember physically throwing them away, and remind myself that I cast those things on my Lord.  He died to pay for them.  

Thank you Jesus!!! 

*Philippians 2:3-4  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  (My side note:  there's no room for jealousy here.)

Hot Cocoa and a Snickers Bar

Last evening I cooked dinner in a rush and ate it even faster. It was a whirlwind of activity as people had to come and go, be picked up and dropped off, and I was running late for a JV soccer game. Eric was doing the taxi driving. All I had to do was get to the next town and watch my son play, but by the time I left the house I was stressed out, and when I got out to the field it just turned to tired. I was a little intimidated by the football practice at the gate, I was confused by all the roped off areas inside the stadium, and I was having trouble finding my way into the stands. Just as I was about to give up or do something stupid I looked up and saw a familiar face. My confusion must have been evident. I did a scan of the area to see how my friend had gotten into the bleachers. I made my way up and we watched the game together. It was just nice to have company, I had rather expected to be alone. Not only did I have someone to watch the game with, but the person was concerned that I did not look like I was feeling well. I assured them that I was only tired, and after a short absence they returned with two hot drinks and two candy bars. I was offered one of each. It was an act of thoughtfulness and kindness that made my day. I tell you, that was the best Snickers bar ever!

I write this to encourage myself and my readers not to neglect the simple acts of kindness that could make the difference in a person's day. Whether it's a kind word to the clerk at the grocery store, a phone call to a friend, or hot cocoa and a Snickers bar: thoughtfulness makes a difference. We have an opportunity each day to reach out and make the world a better place. I thank God both for that opportunity and for the people who have made a positive difference in my life.

^{Ephesians 2:10} For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Traded Up

The day I trusted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I traded up! I traded my unrighteousness for His righteousness. That means that all the nasty, mean, horrible, dishonest things I have ever done, said or thought have disappeared from my record. They were placed on Christ when he was crucified, and his perfect record was transferred to my account. 1 Peter 3:18 tells us "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit" I traded the old for the new like The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." I also traded death for life. Ephesians 2:4-5 explains "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."

I have had a yearning for the past couple of years to be in a Christian band that would take the hope of the gospel outside the walls of the church. I don't hardly know where to begin, but I trust the Lord will show me when it's time. He has inspired me with a few original songs, and today He gave me what could be the name of the band. I wait expectantly for Him to show me the next piece of the puzzle.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Only Time Will Tell

The day I turned ten years old there was a bluegrass show at one of my favorite places, Sunset Park, in South Eastern Pennsylvania. It was such an exciting day as I entered the double digit years. As usual, my mom and her sisters had prepared a wonderful picnic lunch for all the family as well as for Jim and Jesse and the Virginia Boys. It was tradition for the band to come and share our feast and laugh and talk and enjoy a summer afternoon. To me this was incredible. These guys traveled all over the United States and sometime internationally to preform their music for vast audiences, and they cared enough to sit down and eat with us.

Throughout the years Virginia Boys would come and go, and at this particular time they had a very handsome young banjo player. Though he was young he was still twice my age. I had an almost immediate fondness for him. How thrilled I was when, upon discovering that it was my birthday, he bought me a snow cone and gave me one of his banjo picks. It's a day I'll not forget.

Almost 26 years later I still have that banjo pick, and it holds fond memories. I am now married to my high school sweetheart, Eric, and we have four children. This year, on Valentines day, my husband gave me a very special gift: a banjo. It was an amazing day! After all these years of saving that little memento from my tenth birthday, I have a banjo to play with it. A friend of mine is teaching me to play it. When we are on the worship team at our church together we both bring our banjos and try to squeeze in a little bluegrass practice before the rock and roll begins.

It's really awesome to me how things work out. I don't think I ever really would have guessed that I would be learning to play this instrument. As much as I always loved the sound of it, I didn't think I would really ever have one or what it takes to play a song. I believe with all my heart that long before my tenth birthday my Father in Heaven knew that I would. Little by little He put the pieces in place, and though I am only just getting started, I now believe with prayer, hard work, and the help of my friend I will be able to make it sing someday.

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Just Let Go!!!

Yesterday we enjoyed our church's annual fall picnic. This is an event that we look forward to all year. The highlight this year was the rock climbing wall that was brought in for the day. I knew I wanted to take a turn, so I got in line and watched as young and, well, not as young, male and female climbed the wall then repelled back down. As I watched I thought it looked like lots of fun coming down. My turn finally came and I was strapped into the harness. A helmet was placed on my head and up I started to go. It wasn't quite as easy as some people before me had made it look, but I took my time and made it to the top.
I rang the bell and was ready to descend, but as I began to follow the directions and let go of the wall I felt like I was falling and held on all the more. The owner of the wall tried again to convince me, but fear had taken over reason. I began to climb back down the wall and he told me I was just going to make it harder for myself. It didn't matter, I was not letting go of the wall. When I had come down a little way he asked me to try it from there, but I was still too high. Finally I came down far enough for him to reach my feet. He said, "now let go." Even at that height I did not want to let go of that wall. I am still not sure if I finally gave in or if I was pulled off but, when I started to fall, wouldn't you know, that cable caught me and let me down gently. AMAZING!!!
Now logically I must have believed that the cables would protect me or I doubt I would have ascended the wall in the first place, but when the moment of truth came I didn't have enough faith in them to let go and let them do their job. It was like a knife in the heart as someone from my church family yelled, "just trust," and I had to admit that I didn't by climbing down. How many times do I do this in my "climb" with the Lord? He tells me, "just let go," but I want to hold on and try to do it myself. He says, "just trust me," and I hold on to the world. I humbly admit that I do this, and I pray the next time I need to let go He will bring this lesson to my mind along with the life circumstances, beyond my control, that He worked out that same day.
That's not the end of the story though. After a rest I went up the wall again, this time at a more difficult spot. I practiced my descent once from a low spot this time. When I was very near the top I became quite tired and almost quit where I was. I figured the real victory this time would be in trusting the cable to hold me on my way down. At the very moment I was about to let go I heard someone yell my name with a word of encouragement. Considering my lifelong struggle with feelings of discouragement and rejection this was clearly a provision from the Lord, and just what it took to spur me on to the top. Soon I heard, "ring the bell!" and then the words, "now just let go!" And I did!!!

Walking Together

When my family goes out for a hike it's often difficult to stay together. Some walk slow and some walk fast, and before you know it there's a gap between us. Someone eventually has to change their pace so we can get back together.

I have been a child of God for 31 years now. I wish I could say that I've walked close to Him constantly for each of those years, but like those hikes with my family I often get out of step. Sometimes I try to charge ahead recklessly while other times I drag my feet and lag behind.

I don't know what it is that I have been doing lately, but the path has been a bit dim. I know that God's pace is perfect and He is my light. It is obvious that I need to get back in rhythm with His steps, then the path will be bright again.

More time in the Word. More time in prayer. More time in fellowship with my brothers and sisters in Christ. These are the remedies. It seems I need to pick up my spiritual pace. Perhaps I've gotten distracted by the scenes along the way, or maybe I am looking too far ahead and have become overwhelmed by the distance.

Praise God that He won't ever let me get too far "ahead" or too far behind. He is a loving Father who will always bring me back into the light.

Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

True Love Knows When To Say, "No."

Why does a parent tell their young child not to touch an electric outlet or a hot stove. Isn't it because they possess knowledge that their kids lack, and they want to protect them from learning the hard way? Isn't it out of love that they desire to protect their offspring from injury? Would it be fun to get hit by a car? No, that's why parents tell their kids not to play in the street; because they know the consequences would be painful, harmful, and even fatal.

When God tells his children not to touch it's for the same reason. God didn't come up with a list of rules to take the fun out of life, he set boundaries to protect his children. God tells his children not to lie, steal, commit adultery, etc., because these things are contrary to his nature and will have harmful consequences. These behaviors only cause pain. God is not a killjoy. On the contrary He wants us to experience life to the fullest, and that can only be done within the boundaries that he, in his infinite wisdom and perfection, has set.

Just like a child will test their parents boundaries to see what will happen if they touch the hot stove, so we as humans test God's boundaries. The child will learn that there are consequences. Either the parent will intervene with a disciplinary measure, or the child will experience the natural effect of their behavior. So it is with us; either God will intervene to prevent us from going any farther down the path of sinful behavior, or we will undergo the pain that our disobedience brings. Only He knows which will most effectively teach us to abide in him and imitate his Son.

The Bible tells us that only those who trust in Jesus as the sacrifice for their sins will enter eternal life. John 14:6 NIV "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" Those who refuse to receive Jesus choose the path of destruction. "Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." Matthew 7:13-14 NIV

God is good! He made a way for us to be saved; after all "We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:6 NIV. When we receive salvation he sends us help in the form of the Holy Spirit to help us follow him. He disciplines us because he is a loving Father. He showers us with grace and mercy. He gives us his word to show us how to live. Praise be to God who reaches out to us so that we can reach out to him"We love him, because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19 KJV