Do Motives Matter?

When my second son was about eight months old I volunteered as a helper in the Bible Story Room for VBS.  The woman who had volunteered to teach was significantly more than twice my age and was brand new to the church. I guess we all figured she had experience, but no one really knew her. We quickly found out that she wasn't interested in teaching the Bible to children; she had an agenda of her own.  She aspired to write and perform country songs, and her purpose for being there seemed to be to have a captive audience.  At about twenty-four years of age I worked to steer the class time back to the Bible Story and give the kids something they could apply to their lives.  I wasn't prepared to teach the lesson since I was only helping, but I tried to point the kids to the truth.  The woman I was working with could have sought to use music to bring glory to God, but instead she used the class for her own purpose.  I'm not sure that I ever saw her at church again after that week.  

Paul wrote in Philippians 1, "It is true that some preach Christ out of rivalry and envy, but others out of good will.  The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here (in prison)  for the defense of the gospel.  The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.  But what does it matter?  The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached.  And because of this I rejoice."

The lady in my story wasn't really preaching the gospel at all, but she certainly is a case of misguided intentions.  Her objective might have kept the kids from hearing God's word, but He had other plans that would not allow that to happen.  I am not suggesting that she intentionally attempted to prevent God's word from being taught, just that teaching it was not her purpose. Perhaps she heard something that would later change her life.  I'll probably never know.  So do motives matter?  Whether the issue is teaching, feeding the hungry or healing the sick, I think Paul's message applies to the outcome for the recipients:  they are taught, fed and healed.  For the individual with a selfish agenda, they will end up frustrated unless the Holy Spirit  changes their hearts.  I think it is important to examine ourselves often for false motives, and when we see that we have been doing something for the wrong reason, ask God to change our perspective.  

My oldest son questioned his reason for singing in the church choir, and decided that it was best for him to give that up.  He mostly stays in the back helping out with sound and projection, but also plays bass on the youth worship team.  A little over a year ago I had to step away from the worship team for a couple of months because I needed to reevaluate my objective in that ministry.  Thankfully, the Lord used the time to teach me so that I could return with a new perspective.  I recently had a disagreement with a friend who I thought was pushing their own agenda, but then I had to step back and consider what my "spin" was.  I'm still not sure how that will all turn out, but I am looking at things from different angles now and trying to make sure that I really have the good of everyone in mind as I was first convinced that I did.  Life is full of learning and growing, and for me, evaluating why I do what I do. 

The Piano Lesson

I will admit I was nervous about leading music for the Good Friday Worship Service.  I am new to this, and very well aware that it was not a usual service.  The team only had three songs to do, and I was confident that they were appropriate, but they were also less familiar.  In addition to that there was a song I have been interested in doing for Good Friday for several years now, and my son, Austin, had agreed to do it as special music with me.  It was going to be the first time Austin played piano in front of a group of people.  We practiced a lot, and things were going well.  Everyone was committed to coming to practice on Thursday night, and I took my son, Cody, in early to set up the sound equipment. 

The previous night we had had a choir practice for Easter, and it did not occur to me then that it was a problem that the keyboard wasn't working.  I guess I figured it was something Cody would know how to deal with, but when the time came for the team to practice no one could get it to work.  I felt bad for the people who were standing helplessly waiting for practice to begin while a few guys messed around with the piano.  Finally we decided that the keyboard player would have to play guitar for practice.  Cody took the keyboard off the stage, and began trouble shooting.  He eventually discovered the problem but could not quite find the solution, and our local keyboard expert had a dead cell phone.  We could not reach him with a call, a text, or an email.  

Practice would have been better with the keyboard, but it went well enough. I, however, was beside myself because I was afraid Austin would not be able to play the following night.  I worried, and I fretted, and I prayed, but I did not have peace all night.  Friday morning I got up and I knew I could not concentrate on reading my Bible because I was too upset, so I did things backwards and wrote my journal entry first to try to release my frustration.  After I had read I went downstairs to look at my email, and I realized that though I had read the Holy Week emails our pastor had sent out, I had not read the accompanying scripture passages.  I decided to spend some time doing that, and the first one I came to spoke right to the trouble I was having.

Mark 11:22-24 says, "Have faith in God," Jesus answered.  "I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain,  'Go throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him.Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."  I know that God has power over any obstacle, but sometime I get tricked into thinking that He is putting the roadblocks there.  When I realized that Austin and I had been called to present that song Friday night I knew that the keyboard would work.  From God's perspective it was done. I love the way the verse says, "you have received," not "you will receive."  I still struggled though.  I struggled with the thought that I just wanted to do the song and it wasn't really God's will.  I thought I should be content with not being able to follow through with the plan, but I couldn't seem to find peace in that.  The more I struggled the more I realized that the reason I couldn't be content to cancel the song was because I was suppose to cast the mountain into the sea.  

The physical obstacle was only half of the lesson though.  Mark 11:25 reads, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in Heaven may forgive your sins."  My first reaction, when the keyboard wouldn't work, was to blame the last person who successfully played it.  I was holding something against someone, and it was making me miserable.  I had to let go of my frustration toward the person I thought was responsible for the problem, and leave it in God's hands.  As I thought about this I specifically remembered an appointment I had completely forgotten to show up for earlier that week. It helped me remember how often I let others down.  Within a short time after letting go of my grudge the phone rang and I was given the information Cody needed to correct the keyboard issue.  I still insisted on getting there a bit early to get it working, though it only took about a minute to fix. God was definitely teaching me a faith lesson through the circumstances.  The keyboard problem may very well have been an enemy attack, but the piano lesson was from the Lord.

The Silver Trumpet

Cody wanted a silver trumpet.  We have been talking about it for a while now.  He had been using the same beginner trumpet that was handed down to him from a friend when he was in the fourth grade, and it seemed it was time to reward his efforts with a more advanced model, but he really wanted it to be silver.  Last Thursday I took all four kids to the used instrument sale at State College High School, because Austin's trombone has been broken for a year now, and he has been borrowing one from the school.  We found a trombone for Austin, and Cody found a silver trumpet that he thought would be perfect.  The price tag did not agree with our budget though, and we had to walk out without it.  Cody was devastated.  My heart was nearly broken for him.  I sat in the Suburban practically paralyzed.  I couldn't go back in and buy it, but I could barely stand to pull out of the parking lot.  Cody finally asked that we just leave, and I told him that I really thought we needed to start praying for God to provide the right trumpet at the right price.  I began praying about it immediately and took the kids to Dairy Queen hoping to cheer up my very sad boy, but it didn't really work.

The next evening we were working with the Music Boosters in the concession stand at our high school football game.  Eric was standing near the window talking to a friend about the previous evening and how disappointed Cody was.  At just that moment a woman was walking past and the words "silver trumpet" commanded her attention.  She asked Eric if he was looking for a silver trumpet, told him that she had one and the price she was willing to part with it for, and gave him her name and number.  I could hardly help  declaring to my fellow music boosters that it was an answer to prayer. 

My Happy Boy!

This week we got in touch with her, and when I told her about my prayer, I discovered that our faith is common ground.  She told me that it is very unlike her to overhear another person's conversation, or to sell things that belonged to her children, but just the previous week she had gotten in touch with a music store about putting the instrument on consignment.  Before I went to meet her, Eric and I found that we were in complete agreement that we should offer her a certain price for the instrument.  It was one of those times when we both had the same idea before saying it out loud. It was the strangest "business deal."  Each of us was so determined to treat the other fairly that we had a hard time settling on a price.  It was completely backward from the way a transaction usually works.  I tried to give her more than she was asking because I didn't want to take advantage of her, and she insisted on staying with the lower price.  We finally agreed on a compromise, and after I wrote the check she told me that she wanted me to remember that she was content with the lower price and that she would be putting the extra money in her tithe check for her church.  

Praise be to God!  Both my new friend and I are convinced that God was in total control of the whole affair, and that Cody's silver trumpet is indeed an answer to prayer.  I got to watch him play it at the football game tonight.  What a blessing!  What a God!  I am excited to see how He will use Cody and the silver trumpet for His glory!  ♥

Only Time Will Tell

The day I turned ten years old there was a bluegrass show at one of my favorite places, Sunset Park, in South Eastern Pennsylvania. It was such an exciting day as I entered the double digit years. As usual, my mom and her sisters had prepared a wonderful picnic lunch for all the family as well as for Jim and Jesse and the Virginia Boys. It was tradition for the band to come and share our feast and laugh and talk and enjoy a summer afternoon. To me this was incredible. These guys traveled all over the United States and sometime internationally to preform their music for vast audiences, and they cared enough to sit down and eat with us.

Throughout the years Virginia Boys would come and go, and at this particular time they had a very handsome young banjo player. Though he was young he was still twice my age. I had an almost immediate fondness for him. How thrilled I was when, upon discovering that it was my birthday, he bought me a snow cone and gave me one of his banjo picks. It's a day I'll not forget.

Almost 26 years later I still have that banjo pick, and it holds fond memories. I am now married to my high school sweetheart, Eric, and we have four children. This year, on Valentines day, my husband gave me a very special gift: a banjo. It was an amazing day! After all these years of saving that little memento from my tenth birthday, I have a banjo to play with it. A friend of mine is teaching me to play it. When we are on the worship team at our church together we both bring our banjos and try to squeeze in a little bluegrass practice before the rock and roll begins.

It's really awesome to me how things work out. I don't think I ever really would have guessed that I would be learning to play this instrument. As much as I always loved the sound of it, I didn't think I would really ever have one or what it takes to play a song. I believe with all my heart that long before my tenth birthday my Father in Heaven knew that I would. Little by little He put the pieces in place, and though I am only just getting started, I now believe with prayer, hard work, and the help of my friend I will be able to make it sing someday.

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.