I Will Never... Or Will I?

Do you ever surprise yourself?  There are activities that I enjoy now, but could hardly have pictured myself actually doing ten years ago.  I never thought that I would read for pleasure, but that all changed the day I picked up Pride and Prejudice and determined to struggle through it.  It was a surprise to discover I enjoyed it.  I never thought I would ride a motorcycle, but that changed too.  I think it all began when I saw how cool Autumn looked with her bike.  :)  I never thought I would run, and if for some reason I had to I certainly didn't think I would enjoy it, but then Pastor Jim encouraged us to participate in the Resolution Run, and once again I began to change.

So many times I have made judgements about things without ever trying them.  Some things I have tried and didn't like, but sometimes something clicks some where along the way and I find myself in a whole new world.  There are also things that I have always wanted to do, but the fear of failure has held me back.  There was a time when I thought I would never be able to sing a solo, but with a little encouragement I swallowed my fear and stepped up to the mic.  To God be the glory!!!  Who would have ever thought that I would climb to the top of a tall pine tree or crawl through a drainage pipe to retrieve a geocache?  Life is funny that way.  One day you think you can't or won't do something, and the next day you find that you can and will.

The next time you are tempted to think that you never could or would do something, take a moment to reflect on the things you do now that surprise you.  Today you may not like to cook, or sew, or use a computer, but tomorrow you may learn something new that revolutionizes the task.  Maybe you think you will never water ski, sky dive, or go rock climbing, but you actually have just not had the right opportunity.  Perhaps you have always wanted to play an instrument, run a marathon, or start your own business, but you never thought you had what it takes.  I hope you won't be afraid to try.  Life is so much better when we actively live it rather than watch it pass us by. 

I intend to keep growing, and learning, and trying new things.  Learning new things tends to draw me closer to God as I depend on Him for strength, courage and ability.  I am excited about the possibilities when I trust God while giving something my best effort.  My best effort is bound to fail on its own, but He is able to bring forth victory. 

Philippians 4:13  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Up The Pike

Today I did something I have been wanting to try for a while now.  It all started on August 21 when a girl, who had never purposely run anywhere, heard her pastor propose that the congregation run the annual New Year's Eve 5k together.  I started out just running as much of it as I could and walking the rest three days a week.  I was running the whole distance before I had expected, continued training, and was thrilled to participate in the Resolution Run on December 31, 2011.  I have continued running, and plan to gradually increase my distance.  Today I started out walking toward Rattlesnake pike where I usually run, but as I neared the intersection I felt compelled to turn the opposite direction and head up Unionville Pike instead.  I think the wind had something to do with it.  I was cold, and thought that the extra effort and the shelter of the trees might warm me up.  The part of Rattlesnake Pike that I run is a very gradual incline, but Unionville Pike is a two mile hill.  I am pleased to report that, with help from my Lord who is my constant running companion, I ran to the top and all the way back down.  I thought about turning around several times, but was always encouraged to keep going.  The final time I was tempted to stop short I saw the sign indicating that there was a stop sign ahead.  That was the light at the end of the tunnel.  On the way down I found myself favoring my left leg as my right knee whimpered and groaned,  but I made it to the bottom.  It just feels so good to accomplish something that once seemed impossible.  Will I pay for it tomorrow?...  Probably, but it was worth the victory today.  When will I be doing it again?...  Well, that will probably depend on how much it ends up costing.   Do you have a mountain you would like to climb?  Tell me about it and I will pray for you.

Casting Off the Weight

The last several weeks have been difficult for me.  I've been weighed down.  I went for a run today, and as I finished up and began walking to cool down I was praying.  I was thinking about a dream, actually more of a nightmare, I had last night, and I started to see that my issues were deeper than they seemed.  I have been struggling with jealousy (this is difficult to admit), and I've been feeling cast aside and undervalued.  I feel bad for having these feelings, but they have some tough roots.  I know it's wrong to feel this way (*Philippians 2:3-4), but I can't seem to make it stop.  I've begged God to take these feelings away, but I seem to keep coming back to the same place.  

As I approached the house I began to beg God to speak to me.  I told Him that I want to hear His voice.  I don't want to hear my own voice, or any of the other voices in my head anymore, I just want to hear Him and know that it is His voice.  As I thought about the dream I realized that fear and anxiety are buried beneath my feelings of jealousy.  I began to ask God what to do with them.  Part way up the stairs to my room I lost my balance.  I would have landed on my back, but my hand went out against the sliding glass door and I didn't go down at all.  What would have resulted in serious injury only made me realize that God didn't mean for me to fall.  I asked again what to do with my fear and insecurity and the answer came.  I didn't hear an audible voice, but the answer came in the form of scripture that was hidden in my heart.  The verse that surfaced was 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  All this time I had been begging Him to take it, but I had to make the effort to cast it.
  

I had an idea that wasn't my own.  It was an object lesson.  It was part of the answer I had asked for.  I was going to literally go throw away the things that were dragging me down.  I went in search of some stones that I had collected.  These would be smooth to write on, and good for casting.  The stones were very much like the burdens on my heart:  I had picked them up somewhere along the way, and I was saving them as a souvenir, but I did not even have a definite recollection of where they had come from.  They were just taking up space in my drawer, helping to weigh it down.  They had no useful purpose.  I picked out stones for fear, insecurity and anxiety, but as I went to get my Sharpie I realized I needed to go back and get pride, because it needed to leave with the rest.  I took the stones out back in the yard where the stream flows out of the woods, and as I cast each stone away I prayed.  The first prayer went something like this, "Dear Lord, this stone represents my fear.  I am casting it on you, and I ask that you will never let me take it back."  I threw the stone as far as I could, in my weakness, up into the woods where the water flows down, and then did the same with each of the rest. 

I'm on a journey, and I can't afford to go back for those stones.  I know I will be tempted.  I already have been in fact, but when I feel the pity party coming on I will have the mental image of those four stones.  I can remember physically throwing them away, and remind myself that I cast those things on my Lord.  He died to pay for them.  

Thank you Jesus!!! 

*Philippians 2:3-4  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  (My side note:  there's no room for jealousy here.)

Hot Cocoa and a Snickers Bar

Last evening I cooked dinner in a rush and ate it even faster. It was a whirlwind of activity as people had to come and go, be picked up and dropped off, and I was running late for a JV soccer game. Eric was doing the taxi driving. All I had to do was get to the next town and watch my son play, but by the time I left the house I was stressed out, and when I got out to the field it just turned to tired. I was a little intimidated by the football practice at the gate, I was confused by all the roped off areas inside the stadium, and I was having trouble finding my way into the stands. Just as I was about to give up or do something stupid I looked up and saw a familiar face. My confusion must have been evident. I did a scan of the area to see how my friend had gotten into the bleachers. I made my way up and we watched the game together. It was just nice to have company, I had rather expected to be alone. Not only did I have someone to watch the game with, but the person was concerned that I did not look like I was feeling well. I assured them that I was only tired, and after a short absence they returned with two hot drinks and two candy bars. I was offered one of each. It was an act of thoughtfulness and kindness that made my day. I tell you, that was the best Snickers bar ever!

I write this to encourage myself and my readers not to neglect the simple acts of kindness that could make the difference in a person's day. Whether it's a kind word to the clerk at the grocery store, a phone call to a friend, or hot cocoa and a Snickers bar: thoughtfulness makes a difference. We have an opportunity each day to reach out and make the world a better place. I thank God both for that opportunity and for the people who have made a positive difference in my life.

^{Ephesians 2:10} For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Traded Up

The day I trusted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior I traded up! I traded my unrighteousness for His righteousness. That means that all the nasty, mean, horrible, dishonest things I have ever done, said or thought have disappeared from my record. They were placed on Christ when he was crucified, and his perfect record was transferred to my account. 1 Peter 3:18 tells us "For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit" I traded the old for the new like The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." I also traded death for life. Ephesians 2:4-5 explains "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved."

I have had a yearning for the past couple of years to be in a Christian band that would take the hope of the gospel outside the walls of the church. I don't hardly know where to begin, but I trust the Lord will show me when it's time. He has inspired me with a few original songs, and today He gave me what could be the name of the band. I wait expectantly for Him to show me the next piece of the puzzle.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Only Time Will Tell

The day I turned ten years old there was a bluegrass show at one of my favorite places, Sunset Park, in South Eastern Pennsylvania. It was such an exciting day as I entered the double digit years. As usual, my mom and her sisters had prepared a wonderful picnic lunch for all the family as well as for Jim and Jesse and the Virginia Boys. It was tradition for the band to come and share our feast and laugh and talk and enjoy a summer afternoon. To me this was incredible. These guys traveled all over the United States and sometime internationally to preform their music for vast audiences, and they cared enough to sit down and eat with us.

Throughout the years Virginia Boys would come and go, and at this particular time they had a very handsome young banjo player. Though he was young he was still twice my age. I had an almost immediate fondness for him. How thrilled I was when, upon discovering that it was my birthday, he bought me a snow cone and gave me one of his banjo picks. It's a day I'll not forget.

Almost 26 years later I still have that banjo pick, and it holds fond memories. I am now married to my high school sweetheart, Eric, and we have four children. This year, on Valentines day, my husband gave me a very special gift: a banjo. It was an amazing day! After all these years of saving that little memento from my tenth birthday, I have a banjo to play with it. A friend of mine is teaching me to play it. When we are on the worship team at our church together we both bring our banjos and try to squeeze in a little bluegrass practice before the rock and roll begins.

It's really awesome to me how things work out. I don't think I ever really would have guessed that I would be learning to play this instrument. As much as I always loved the sound of it, I didn't think I would really ever have one or what it takes to play a song. I believe with all my heart that long before my tenth birthday my Father in Heaven knew that I would. Little by little He put the pieces in place, and though I am only just getting started, I now believe with prayer, hard work, and the help of my friend I will be able to make it sing someday.

Psalm 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

Just Let Go!!!

Yesterday we enjoyed our church's annual fall picnic. This is an event that we look forward to all year. The highlight this year was the rock climbing wall that was brought in for the day. I knew I wanted to take a turn, so I got in line and watched as young and, well, not as young, male and female climbed the wall then repelled back down. As I watched I thought it looked like lots of fun coming down. My turn finally came and I was strapped into the harness. A helmet was placed on my head and up I started to go. It wasn't quite as easy as some people before me had made it look, but I took my time and made it to the top.
I rang the bell and was ready to descend, but as I began to follow the directions and let go of the wall I felt like I was falling and held on all the more. The owner of the wall tried again to convince me, but fear had taken over reason. I began to climb back down the wall and he told me I was just going to make it harder for myself. It didn't matter, I was not letting go of the wall. When I had come down a little way he asked me to try it from there, but I was still too high. Finally I came down far enough for him to reach my feet. He said, "now let go." Even at that height I did not want to let go of that wall. I am still not sure if I finally gave in or if I was pulled off but, when I started to fall, wouldn't you know, that cable caught me and let me down gently. AMAZING!!!
Now logically I must have believed that the cables would protect me or I doubt I would have ascended the wall in the first place, but when the moment of truth came I didn't have enough faith in them to let go and let them do their job. It was like a knife in the heart as someone from my church family yelled, "just trust," and I had to admit that I didn't by climbing down. How many times do I do this in my "climb" with the Lord? He tells me, "just let go," but I want to hold on and try to do it myself. He says, "just trust me," and I hold on to the world. I humbly admit that I do this, and I pray the next time I need to let go He will bring this lesson to my mind along with the life circumstances, beyond my control, that He worked out that same day.
That's not the end of the story though. After a rest I went up the wall again, this time at a more difficult spot. I practiced my descent once from a low spot this time. When I was very near the top I became quite tired and almost quit where I was. I figured the real victory this time would be in trusting the cable to hold me on my way down. At the very moment I was about to let go I heard someone yell my name with a word of encouragement. Considering my lifelong struggle with feelings of discouragement and rejection this was clearly a provision from the Lord, and just what it took to spur me on to the top. Soon I heard, "ring the bell!" and then the words, "now just let go!" And I did!!!