Shiver

 

I had just turned off the shower one day, and was getting ready for my day when the first verse of this song just came into my head and out of my mouth.  It probably took 15 minutes or so to get three verses and chorus together.  After I had it written down I asked Cody to drop what he was doing and help me get a rough recording so I wouldn't forget the melody.  I never did come up with chords for it.  It started out acapella, and when we recorded it again I simply formed one chord and tapped the pick guard on my guitar to create the droning sound in the background.  I would like to add harmonies to the chorus, but other than that I intend to keep this one simple.  I did change the wording at the end of the third verse after I had listened to the first draft several times, but other than that it is just the thoughts that were given to me in that short period of time on Saturday morning, January 21, 2012.

Your Love Is Unconditional

I am so inadequate and unworthy, and I mess up so often, but God's love is not based on what I am or what I do, it is based on His own loving character.  He provided for my deepest need when He sent His own Son to the cross to pay for my sin.  I don't deserve His love, but I receive it because of His grace and mercy.  The scripture used in this song is Psalm 103:11-14... 

For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his love for those who fear him;
as far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

  As a father has compassion on his children,
   so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
 for he knows how we are formed,
   he remembers that we are dust. 

When I fall down He shows compassion and picks me up time and time again.  I praise God for His complete provision and abundant love!  I thank Him for this song to help me remember. 

Castles In The Sand

This song came out of a time when I was feeling discouraged, and began to realize that it was because I had been misplacing my hope.  My priorities had gotten mixed up, and I was disappointed because I was dreaming of temporary things instead of eternal ones.  It is based on Matthew 7:24-27   “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”  God used this song to help me refocus; to remember that it is ok to dream, but I need to be dreaming God's dreams, because they are the ones that matter.

Waiting For The Rain

This is the first song I ever "wrote" that has stayed with me. I use the word "wrote" loosely because I don't feel like I write songs at all, but that God gives them to me as an answer to my prayers.  At the time that this song came about I was struggling with disappointment or discouragement of some kind.  I confess that three years later I don't remember the exact circumstances or situation, but I remember the song that came out of them.  I've had a dream of music since I was a little girl.  The dream dimmed as I got married and began having children.  I thought my dream had changed, but soon it was burning bright again as the kids were growing and I continued serving with the worship team.  I was learning, through volunteering and taking classes with Child Evangelism Fellowship, how to share my faith and lead people to Christ.  I wanted to be able to take the message of God's love and salvation to more people through music, and I seemed to be growing in ministry, but then something happened that caused me to doubt.  As I said, I don't remember the details of what it was, but the Lord encouraged me through this song.  This is my reminder that God made me to think the way I think, and dream the way I dream, and that if he gave me a dream, then I need to trust in Him to bring it to fruition in His time and for His glory.  I was inspired by a story I heard, which is in this movie clip from Facing The Giants, about a farmer that prepared his fields while he prayed and waited.  He was contrasted with a farmer who prayed but did nothing.  The question was raised as to which farmer had faith.  It encouraged me to continue doing what I could do while I wait for God to do what only He can do.  I decided to practice playing the guitar, and continue singing, and wait to see what God will do.  He gave me this song which motivated me to keep working and dreaming.  I don't know what His plan is, but I have to keep believing in it while I continue to prepare.   

I Will Never... Or Will I?

Do you ever surprise yourself?  There are activities that I enjoy now, but could hardly have pictured myself actually doing ten years ago.  I never thought that I would read for pleasure, but that all changed the day I picked up Pride and Prejudice and determined to struggle through it.  It was a surprise to discover I enjoyed it.  I never thought I would ride a motorcycle, but that changed too.  I think it all began when I saw how cool Autumn looked with her bike.  :)  I never thought I would run, and if for some reason I had to I certainly didn't think I would enjoy it, but then Pastor Jim encouraged us to participate in the Resolution Run, and once again I began to change.

So many times I have made judgements about things without ever trying them.  Some things I have tried and didn't like, but sometimes something clicks some where along the way and I find myself in a whole new world.  There are also things that I have always wanted to do, but the fear of failure has held me back.  There was a time when I thought I would never be able to sing a solo, but with a little encouragement I swallowed my fear and stepped up to the mic.  To God be the glory!!!  Who would have ever thought that I would climb to the top of a tall pine tree or crawl through a drainage pipe to retrieve a geocache?  Life is funny that way.  One day you think you can't or won't do something, and the next day you find that you can and will.

The next time you are tempted to think that you never could or would do something, take a moment to reflect on the things you do now that surprise you.  Today you may not like to cook, or sew, or use a computer, but tomorrow you may learn something new that revolutionizes the task.  Maybe you think you will never water ski, sky dive, or go rock climbing, but you actually have just not had the right opportunity.  Perhaps you have always wanted to play an instrument, run a marathon, or start your own business, but you never thought you had what it takes.  I hope you won't be afraid to try.  Life is so much better when we actively live it rather than watch it pass us by. 

I intend to keep growing, and learning, and trying new things.  Learning new things tends to draw me closer to God as I depend on Him for strength, courage and ability.  I am excited about the possibilities when I trust God while giving something my best effort.  My best effort is bound to fail on its own, but He is able to bring forth victory. 

Philippians 4:13  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Up The Pike

Today I did something I have been wanting to try for a while now.  It all started on August 21 when a girl, who had never purposely run anywhere, heard her pastor propose that the congregation run the annual New Year's Eve 5k together.  I started out just running as much of it as I could and walking the rest three days a week.  I was running the whole distance before I had expected, continued training, and was thrilled to participate in the Resolution Run on December 31, 2011.  I have continued running, and plan to gradually increase my distance.  Today I started out walking toward Rattlesnake pike where I usually run, but as I neared the intersection I felt compelled to turn the opposite direction and head up Unionville Pike instead.  I think the wind had something to do with it.  I was cold, and thought that the extra effort and the shelter of the trees might warm me up.  The part of Rattlesnake Pike that I run is a very gradual incline, but Unionville Pike is a two mile hill.  I am pleased to report that, with help from my Lord who is my constant running companion, I ran to the top and all the way back down.  I thought about turning around several times, but was always encouraged to keep going.  The final time I was tempted to stop short I saw the sign indicating that there was a stop sign ahead.  That was the light at the end of the tunnel.  On the way down I found myself favoring my left leg as my right knee whimpered and groaned,  but I made it to the bottom.  It just feels so good to accomplish something that once seemed impossible.  Will I pay for it tomorrow?...  Probably, but it was worth the victory today.  When will I be doing it again?...  Well, that will probably depend on how much it ends up costing.   Do you have a mountain you would like to climb?  Tell me about it and I will pray for you.

Casting Off the Weight

The last several weeks have been difficult for me.  I've been weighed down.  I went for a run today, and as I finished up and began walking to cool down I was praying.  I was thinking about a dream, actually more of a nightmare, I had last night, and I started to see that my issues were deeper than they seemed.  I have been struggling with jealousy (this is difficult to admit), and I've been feeling cast aside and undervalued.  I feel bad for having these feelings, but they have some tough roots.  I know it's wrong to feel this way (*Philippians 2:3-4), but I can't seem to make it stop.  I've begged God to take these feelings away, but I seem to keep coming back to the same place.  

As I approached the house I began to beg God to speak to me.  I told Him that I want to hear His voice.  I don't want to hear my own voice, or any of the other voices in my head anymore, I just want to hear Him and know that it is His voice.  As I thought about the dream I realized that fear and anxiety are buried beneath my feelings of jealousy.  I began to ask God what to do with them.  Part way up the stairs to my room I lost my balance.  I would have landed on my back, but my hand went out against the sliding glass door and I didn't go down at all.  What would have resulted in serious injury only made me realize that God didn't mean for me to fall.  I asked again what to do with my fear and insecurity and the answer came.  I didn't hear an audible voice, but the answer came in the form of scripture that was hidden in my heart.  The verse that surfaced was 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."  All this time I had been begging Him to take it, but I had to make the effort to cast it.
  

I had an idea that wasn't my own.  It was an object lesson.  It was part of the answer I had asked for.  I was going to literally go throw away the things that were dragging me down.  I went in search of some stones that I had collected.  These would be smooth to write on, and good for casting.  The stones were very much like the burdens on my heart:  I had picked them up somewhere along the way, and I was saving them as a souvenir, but I did not even have a definite recollection of where they had come from.  They were just taking up space in my drawer, helping to weigh it down.  They had no useful purpose.  I picked out stones for fear, insecurity and anxiety, but as I went to get my Sharpie I realized I needed to go back and get pride, because it needed to leave with the rest.  I took the stones out back in the yard where the stream flows out of the woods, and as I cast each stone away I prayed.  The first prayer went something like this, "Dear Lord, this stone represents my fear.  I am casting it on you, and I ask that you will never let me take it back."  I threw the stone as far as I could, in my weakness, up into the woods where the water flows down, and then did the same with each of the rest. 

I'm on a journey, and I can't afford to go back for those stones.  I know I will be tempted.  I already have been in fact, but when I feel the pity party coming on I will have the mental image of those four stones.  I can remember physically throwing them away, and remind myself that I cast those things on my Lord.  He died to pay for them.  

Thank you Jesus!!! 

*Philippians 2:3-4  Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  (My side note:  there's no room for jealousy here.)